Some surprisingly sage advice from 2006...when I was 17. Sometimes I like to reread things that I've written just to see if I followed through with what I said I would. It's interesting to remember how simple life was but then realize how much depth it had. Mind you, I'm not 50 or anything...merely 21...but it feels good to know that the things I get now, the things that really mean something to me and hold the utmost value in my morals and decision making, those things have always been a part of me. Enjoy! And I quote from my journal...
"Growing up you're always told that you are the best at everything; it is beaten into you from the day you are born. Your entire family thinks you are fantastic, and goes as far as telling you that your macaroni and paste is the next Picasso. Your third grade teacher decides that you are a natural born leader and will most likely be the president of the United States. Your ballet instructor is certain that you will be famous and somewhere on Broadway by the time you are 12. Sure, all of that stuff is great to hear, but what happens when you don't live up to it? What is there to do when you're a starving artist who can't sell a single watercolor? What happens when you join your schools leadership program and realize you have no idea how to tell anyone how to do anything? And where do you go when you are stranded in New York with nothing more than a painted face and ballet flats? How do you judge failure?
I'm sure this has all been said before and I'm sure that a lot of people feel the same way. But really, it comes down to my biggest question, how do you judge failure? If you live your life as an honest man but never make more than minimum wage, have you failed, or is it if you live your life as a liar but make millions that you fail? Is it necessary to be successful to not fail? Lately I've been thinking, and it's kept me on my toes. Nobody is who they seem to be, so how could any of those people be successful. If success is defined by a paycheck then yes, I suppose many people are, but if it is more than that, if it is really more than that, then I suggest you all hold your breath.
Recently, someone whom I love very much was denied admission by their dream school. They said that they were going to be stuck at their job and stuck at their house and never get anywhere simply because they were not accepted. I can't say that I have had that experience (I am a bit behind on my college nonsense) but I can say that it is not failure. It goes back to our parents, our roots. If we had all been raised knowing that there would always be someone better, and that whoever it was that was better was only better because of the standards upon which they were judged, then I think it would be a lot easier for us to accept 'failure' later on in life. I'm not saying parents should raise their children saying that dreams can't come true, or that they aren't important, but rather that I myself as a parent will most likely (depending on my partner and her views) raise my child to know that there will be someone better, thus if they become a part of that 'better' then they will have a greater appreciation for it. Those who are full of themselves have no place to tell someone else how not to be. Basically, I just want to be honest.
The way I see it, there is no success and there is no failure. There is only limitation and exception. Life throws obstacles at you and your future is based upon how well you avoid, or make the best of them. It is so cliché to say that you'd rather be poor and happy than rich and not happy. However, I agree. I want to be a writer. It is simply who I am and I cannot see myself doing anything else. I want to move to New York and write for the New York Times. Perhaps I'll end up stranded but instead of a painted face and ballet flats, I'll have my laptop and my dog. I want to spend my life with someone I love and have a family. Regardless of whether or not I end up having a career as a writer, if I succeed in having a family I will have done all that I have ever wanted to do. And to me, that is success. So to answer my question of what is failure, I suppose that it is ending up doing something that you don't want to do. If you don't love it, don't do it. It's as simple as that."
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